


let me love you and you'll never leave

by sameolsituation



Series: DL Stockings 2019 [14]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, DL Stockings 2019, Hot Space Era, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Sad Brian May, brian feels unwanted, his boyfriends remedy that, poly!Queen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:35:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21975952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sameolsituation/pseuds/sameolsituation
Summary: He remembers when they all used to be on the same page; when they first started out, just a couple broke, stressed college students with a dream to do more and only the slightest hope that one day they might make something of themselves.Where did it all go wrong?--During the recording of Hot Space, Brian feels like the band doesn't need him anymore.
Relationships: John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor
Series: DL Stockings 2019 [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1581805
Comments: 8
Kudos: 64
Collections: DL Stockings 2019





	let me love you and you'll never leave

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CtrlZee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CtrlZee/gifts).



> This was created as part of the Dork Lovers Server Stocking Challenge... you get a fic, you get a fic, everyone gets a fic! 
> 
> Title is from KISS' song Heaven's on Fire.

They don’t need him anymore.

Almost every single song that they’ve worked on so far, holed up in this depressing studio where outside the weather is just as depressing, hasn’t needed any guitar work.

Or, if it has, they aren’t using him for it. John has essentially shut him out of any conversation about the music, instead poring over everything with Freddie and occasionally Roger.

They’re using parts from a drum machine more than they’re using Roger, but still they’re including Roger more than they are Brian. After all, John didn’t pen a song that was nothing more than a thinly-veiled petulant complaint about how much Roger annoyed him, one that Freddie crooned as if he was oblivious to the subject matter.

Brian doesn’t want to quit, doesn’t want to leave behind all the work he’s put into this band, all the songs he threw his heart into and the boys he’s given his heart to. But that’s not to say he hasn’t debated it during the making of this album; apparently to them he’s useless anyway, so why keep him around?

He stands there for a long time, watching Freddie and John and Roger stand close together and talk and laugh about whatever song they’re working on now, and his heart sinks lower and lower in his chest until it feels like it’s fallen to the bottom of his stomach, shattered and broken and irredeemable.

“I’m gonna go,” he mumbles, painfully aware that none of them are listening to him anyway. He tugs his guitar strap over his head and sets the Old Lady back in her case before he quickly leaves the room, walking down the hall until he reaches the end and pushing open the back door before he even realizes what he’s doing.

He lets the door close behind him as he sits down on the stoop, folding his arms across his knees and burying his face in them. The air is biting and chilly and he’s not properly dressed for it, but it matches the way he feels inside: cold and desolate.

Tears are streaking down his face before he knows it, his crying muffled but still audible in the heavy silence that surrounds him. No matter how much he tries to stop his tears, Brian is helpless to do anything but let them continue.

He can’t figure out how he got here; alone and useless, isolated and trapped on a former oasis, separated from his bandmates by an ocean hundreds of miles wide and much too deep for him to swim across without drowning.

He remembers when they all used to be on the same page; when they first started out, just a couple broke, stressed college students with a dream to do more and only the slightest hope that one day they might make something of themselves.

It’s been a long time since they were broke, or college students, or even just _unknown;_ now they can hardly go anywhere without being recognized. But Brian thought that in the midst of all the ways they’ve changed, the one thing that would never change was the love keeping them together.

Where did it all go wrong?

He’s so wrapped up in his thoughts that he doesn’t hear the door behind him slamming open, or the footsteps accompanying it as someone rushes out of the building.

“Jesus, Bri, it’s freezing out here! What are you doing?”

He recognizes that voice, knows it belongs to one Roger Taylor, who Brian thought hadn’t noticed him disappear. Still, he steadfastly refuses to acknowledge Roger, even as additional footsteps indicate he’s coming closer, followed by a soft ‘ _oof’_ as he sits down on the stoop beside Brian.

“Oh, come on, Bri. Do you really want to freeze out here, all by yourself?”

“Maybe,” Brian mumbles into his arms, petulant if only because he can be. Roger sighs, and a moment later, Brian feels an additional weight against him; presumably Roger leaning on him, probably expecting a reaction, but Brian won’t give it to him.

A few moments later, Roger speaks again. “ _Briiii,_ ” he trills, sounding too much like Freddie for Brian’s liking. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong.”

Brian sighs and finally lifts his head, daring to meet Roger’s eyes so Roger can get a good look at his red-rimmed eyes and tearstained cheeks. “Does it matter?”

“Of course it does. We’ve been so worried about you,” Roger says, sounding genuinely concerned now. “You’ve been so quiet during recording, it’s like you’re not even there.”

“That would be because whenever I try to talk, or to suggest an idea, John goes and writes a song about how annoying I am,” Brian mutters. “And that’s why I’ve been thinking about quitting.”

“You’ve been _what?”_ Roger nearly shouts, his jaw dropping in a way that would be comical if Brian didn’t feel so miserable. “You can’t quit! We need you!”

“Maybe you used to need me,” Brian says. “Maybe back when the band started. Maybe when we started to get recognized. But the whole time that we’ve been working on this album, all I’ve done is argue with John and Freddie and even sometimes you. I haven’t worked on a single song. I haven’t contributed a single guitar part. If I quit, I’m just finishing what’s already started. You’re already working on an album that doesn’t have any Brian May on it.”

“Bri, I’m sure it’s just a temporary thing. I’m sure Freddie and John will find a way to include you. You know they’re hardly using me, too. And this is probably just one album. They’ll realize that this whole disco thing won’t work, and the next album will be packed full of all those riffs we love,” Roger insists. “And besides, I don’t want you to quit. I don’t want you to leave. Doesn’t _that_ matter?”

Brian sighs. “I don’t know,” he admits softly.

It’s then that he hears the door behind him slam open again, two additional voices abruptly joining in their conversation. Brian turns his head away, no longer able to bear meeting Roger’s gaze when tears are starting to brim on Roger’s eyelashes too.

“What’s going on?” John asks.

“Brian wants to leave,” Roger says.

“Leave? Now? But we’re booked for another month,” Freddie answers, sounding quizzical.

“You don’t get it. Brian wants to _leave._ He wants to quit,” Roger clarifies.

“ _Why?”_ Freddie moves to sit down on Brian’s other side, placing his hand on Brian’s shoulder, and as much as he wants to shift away from it he can’t help but lean into Freddie’s touch, following him in orbit as he always has. “Darling, why do you want to leave? Have we done something wrong? Tell me, I’ll do whatever I can to fix it.”

“I think it’s a little late for that,” Brian says, but he sighs and decides to give in to the urge to confess, even though John hasn’t said anything else or made any move to settle down beside him like Roger and Freddie have. But John could write a million songs about how Brian annoyed him and yet Brian would always be hopelessly in love with him; just like he would always be hopelessly in love with Roger and Freddie, no matter how many stupid things they did.

He pours his heart into his confession, telling them about how left out he feels of the process for this album, and how he’d like to be included even if the music they’re making isn’t particularly his thing. He tells them about how lonely he feels when he sees John and Freddie and occasionally Roger standing close together and animatedly talking about their next ideas for songs, or poking away at the soundboard together without even giving Brian a heads up as to what they’re doing, or a chance to let him offer suggestions.

He feels raw and exposed once he finishes, tears starting to streak down his cheeks anew once he begins to talk about how he doesn’t really want to leave them or the band, but that he feels that he has no other choice if he’s going to continue to be essentially invisible to them.

“Don’t cry, my love,” Freddie urges, gently cupping Brian’s face in his hands and thumbing away the tears that fall down his cheeks. “You won’t have to leave. We’ll fix this, I promise.”

John descends a few steps so that he can kneel down in front of Brian, offering him his full attention for the first time in a long time. “Brian,” he says quietly. “I know we haven’t exactly been on the same page regarding the album, but you know I would never intentionally leave you out of it. And it was kind of shitty for me to write that song about you and I’m sorry about it. But I, for one, really don’t want you to leave the band. Or this,” he says, gesturing between the four of them.

“I’m not letting you leave,” Roger counters, pressing himself closer to Brian as if to physically prevent Brian from leaving. “You promised, remember? You said you’d be ours as long as there were stars in the sky.”

“I did,” Brian nods, smiling faintly at the memory.

“And how long does it take those stars to burn out?” John asks.

“Millions of years.”

“Then it’s settled; you’re ours for millions of years.”

“It’s too late to turn back now,” Freddie says, pressing a kiss to Brian’s temple. “So, will you stay?”

“I promise I’ll do better,” John adds, looking at Brian hopefully.

It doesn’t take him long to make a decision.

“Of course I’ll stay.” 


End file.
